The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys
by Risa Hijikata
Summary: Tadakuni, Hidenori and Yoshitake will not make a sudden appearance in here (or will they?) though the Class of 3Z will still present the same kind of chaos that you are used to seeing in Sanada North High School. Instead, may I present the new three dumb trios; Sadist, Mayo and Gorilla ... eh, or was it Gori-chan? Pony-chan? Which Gorilla was it again? Comedy; AU. -COMPLETE-
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: **Based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Disclaimer: **They belong to their respective authors and you know who they are. It's not me for sure... :'(

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 1**

* * *

_Huff Huff Huff. I'm late. That's not good. I remembered that Ginpachi-sensei said to come early because we have history quiz this morning. Luckily I brought my muesli bar and my bottle of mayo to eat on the way. _

_Huff Puff Puff. So far away. This hill is really steep. Ah, I can see a clearing. The school is getting near. All right, I can do this... go me!_

…

_Ummm..._

_Why is this crow landing beside me and is hopping on its feet to block my path? Ah well, I'll just step around it to the left._

…

_Eh!? He's not letting me go! Why the hell did it block my way again?! On top of that, did it just step towards me?! Is it threatening me?! Mother, father, I'm sorry that your son will be murdered by a raven beast. Ginpachi-sensei, please don't give me a zero for my history quiz mark…_

_Ah, never mind that. Lets step to the right. I have no time for my imaginary rant._

…

_Eh! Eh!? Again?! What do you want damn crow?! Stop blocking my way!_

CAW CAW

…

_Hmmm…. _

_Lets move this muesli bar to the left, … to the right, … high up high up! Aha! So you want my breakfast you damn raven! All right, lets do this. You can have half of this muesli bar that I'll throw to my left while I dash to school through the right pathway. Deal?_

…

_Yosh. Bye crow! So long! I'm glad that you have a healthy breakfast this morning! Enjoy the muesli bar while you can!_

…

_Eh!? Eh!? Why is it chasing me angrily? Why is it displaying its' sharp talons!? I already gave you half of my muesli bar! I even topped it with mayo!? Gyaaa, It's getting close! HELP, GINPACHI-SENSEI!_

* * *

**A/N: This will be updated irregularly due to Uni (sorry) but otherwise, I hope you guys enjoyed it and can wait in anticipation for the updates :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning: **Based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Disclaimer: **They're never ever ever gonna be mine :'(

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

_HELP, GINPACHI-SENSEI!..._

* * *

…

_Tosshi!? Is that you, Tosshi!? I can hear a voice that sounds like Tosshi in my head. I think we have established a telepathic connection! Where are you? The history quiz is about to start! *rustle rustle*_

…_Sensei? Is that you?_

_Yes. Of course, it's me. *peel peel*_

_That's weird… Sensei usually would only call me Oogushi-kun. This is not Ginpachi-sensei, is it?_

_No, I'm not Ginpachi-sensei but I am your sensei on love matters. I'm the one who you would always go to when you needed advice on how to win a lady's heart. I'm the one who always encouraged you from behind when you were embarrassed to ask a girl for her phone numbers. I'm the one who helped you with secretly giving away your confession letter. I… am Gori-13; the saviour of all cherry boys in love! *munch munch munch*_

_You're not a sensei at all! You're just a gorilla! If anything, you're a sensei on gorilla mating! Anyway, I'm not a cherry boy and none of the situations above ever happened. Now I don't need a love advice! Help me get rid of a crow that's chasing me Kondo-san!_

_Tsk tsk tsk, Tosshi… everything in this world is related to love. The world is overflowing with love, especially with the love that I have for Otae-san. Do not underestimate the power of love, Tosshi. I'm sure that with a little bit of love, that lady crow will love you in return. Remember, __**love and peace**__. *chew chew chew*_

_Prince Baka!? Is Prince Baka a gorilla!? What the hell is 'love and peace'!? I don't want to date the crow Kondo-san! I want to get rid of it! Forget about love, it's threatening to kill me even though I didn't do anything wrong! I even gave it my breakfast but all I got in return was scratches by its' talons!_

…_Tosshi. What did you give the crow? *munch munch*_

_Eh? Why do you ask? I only gave it half of my muesli bar._

…_And? *chew chew*_

_That's it. … Oh, and I topped it off with mayo._

_TOSSHI! How many times do I have to tell you? Not everyone worships mayonnaise! You have to curb your thinking that everyone in the world loves mayo! Otherwise, you'll die a very painful death Tosshi. *grind grind grind*_

_Kondo-san, I think the history quiz is messing with your head. Of course everyone loves mayo. Even Barbarosa Shogun acknowledged it as the almighty versatile condiment. It became the Emperor's official food in the Taisho era. You know what that means Kondo-san, the Son of God acknowledged mayo as a holy food!_

_TOSSSSHIII! Did you even study for the history quiz!? There's no such shogun you know! I'm sure the crow is angry because you defiled its' breakfast! Don't deceive yourself any further and admit it that you wronged the lady crow. Hurry and save yourself by hiding in the classroom. How far are you from school, Tosshi? *bite munch bite*_

_I'm running across the field so I'm almost at the building's entrance. What is in the history quiz Kondo-san? Because I have a late start, might as well tell me the questions now._

…_I don't know Tosshi. *chuck*_

_Eh?_

_I'm busy eating bananas and trying to get the peels into the bin near the building's entrance. *plop*_

_You're trying to chuck your trash three floors down!? Concentrate on the quiz in front of you gorilla! Why are you eating bananas in class during a quiz anyway, damn gori- *thud*_

…_Tosshi? Tosshi! Answer me! Did the crow get you? *peel munch munch*_

…

…

…

_No Kondo-san. Your banana peels got me._

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. But welllllllll, though I said that, you have to wait for a long time again coz I don't know when I'll update again hahaha…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Disclaimer: **I wish I'm a gorilla who wrote about three boys wearing Tadakuni's sister's uniform…

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 3**

* * *

_No Kondo-san. Your banana peels got me._

* * *

_*brush brush*_

_Well, I have no time to whine about my bad luck this morning. I better get a move on._

_**BEEP **_

…_?_

_**BEEP BEEP _**BEEP**_**_

_Kondo-san, did you forget to turn off your phone? I can hear something beeping._

_Eh? I thought it was you, Tosshi. *chew chew chew*_

_**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP _**BEEP _**BEEP**_**_!**_

_!?_

_Eh!? EHHHHH!? The beeping got hell faster! Where is it coming from?!_

_**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP**_

_THE BANANA PEEL!?_

_*threw it towards the field* __**KABOOOOOOM!**_

_WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? A BANANA PEEL DYNAMITE!? DID YOU JUST ATE A BANANA BOMB GORILLA!? I KNOW BANANA CONTAINS POTASSIUM THAT MAKES IT RADIOACTIVE BUT DON'T GO AROUND EXPLODING RADIATION AND GIVING EVERYONE CANCER AT SCHOOL!_

_You can't talk Tosshi! I know you secretly smoke behind the gym! You're the one who's going to get cancer! And anyway, it wasn't me! The banana was of good quality. I can tell. *munch munch*_

_...That's right Hijikata-san… the banana tasted good.*nom nom nom* The gorilla has good taste buds. _

… _This voice… Sougo, is that you? *peel munch munch munch*_

_How the hell can you establish a telepathic connection as well!? Actually, get out! Get out of my head! I don't want to hear a munching Sadist's thought. A munching gorilla is already a sadistic enough thought!_

_Don't be like that Hijikata-san… I've been listening to your conversation for a while and I heard that you were in trouble with the …ladies, was it?-_

_-it was a crow, stupid. (Were you really listening?)_

_-well, don't mind the details, but look at the end result. *nom nom nom* I got rid of that lady- (-it's a crow!) for you._

…_Don't tell me… It was YOU who made the BANANA PEEL BOMB!? You were planning to KILL ME with it, weren't you!? Luckily for me, it was just by chance that I threw it towards the crow…_

_I didn't know it was a banana peel bomb, Hijikata-san... I was only trying to get the peels into the bin near the building's entrance…_

_WHY WERE YOU TRYING TO CHUCK YOUR TRASH THREE FLOORS DOWN TOO!? STOP THROWING YOUR RUBBISH OUT THE WINDOWS. SERIOUSLY, HOW MANY BANANAS DID YOU GUYS BRING? _

_Oh, the banana peel that exploded wasn't mine. ( Tch, a pity it missed you though Hijikata-san). I found it near the long-haired guy's desk._

_I heard that 'Tch' you damn sadist!_

_Anyway, what was his name again, Katsu?… Atsura?... Ah, it was Zura, I think._

_It's not Zura, it's Katsura. *peel munch munch*_

_WHY IS SOMEONE THAT I DON'T KNOW TALKING TELEPATHICALLY TOO!? And how could a high schooler make a banana peel bomb!? Who are you, Zura?_

_It's not Zura, it's Katsura. I aspire to help people when I graduate high school. No, perhaps not only in assisting the normal civilians. I also have the ambition to help the Government improve the lives of the citizens. I will eradicate all rotten morals, rotten values and rotten bananas that are prevalent in our society today. And for that, the bananas will greatly aid me in revolutionising this country. *munch munch munch*_

…_Uh, you don't need to learn how to make a bomb to become a grocer, Zura._

_It's not Zura, it's Katsura. Actually, it's not as a grocery owner. *chew chew* I want to be a terrorist. _

…

...

...

_EVERYONE STOP EATING BANANAS!_

_AHHHH! GINPACHI-SENSEI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOT SUPERVISING THESE IDIOTS!?_

* * *

**A/N: Teehee, there's a banana fever going around class 3-Z. And for those who don't know, yes, banana is radioactive! Lol. Only a little bit though.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Note:** 3Z is an ALL BOYS' SCHOOL like SANADA NORTH HIGH SCHOOL.

**Disclaimer: **Here you go gorilla, have some bananas. Oh btw, I've injected it with laxatives; so before you die in the toilet, sign this Gintama copyright to me.

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 4**

* * *

_AHHHH! GINPACHI-SENSEI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOT SUPERVISING THESE IDIOTS!?_

* * *

-Meanwhile-

_Come on, Anna-chan… Pleaaaaaseeeeee?_

_No is no, Sakata-sensei. _

_Just a little bit?_

_No._

_Not even a teeny weeny-…_

_No._

…_-tiny bit… boo..._

_Sakata-sensei, is this the time to be pouting? Don't you have a class to teach now?_

_It's alright, it's alright. They can manage by themselves._

_But isn't today the day of the history quiz? Don't you have to supervise them?_

_Don't worry, Anna-chan… 18 year olds are practically adults now. They can make important life decisions like deciding A, B or C in the history quiz._

_Eh!? You made it all multiple choices!?_

_Well, this way I can just make an answer template by cutting out holes for the right answers and put it on top of the student's papers one by one. This way, marking becomes faster and easier._

_That's very ingenious of you, Sensei! …Actually, that's so very ingenious that it made me overlooked your incomparable laziness for a second._

_Come on, Anna-chan… don't put it like that. If I finish the marking early, it gives me more time to explore another hole…_

_Kyaaa, Sakata-sensei, you're so naughty-…_

_So... let me, for a little bit, ok?_

_GINPACHI-SENSEI!_

_Tsk, damn. ...I'm busy, come back later._

_GINPACHI-SENSEI! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!_

…_the number you have dialled is currently not in service. Please try again-…_

_SENSEI, it's not the time to be joking! There was an explosion in the courtyard! And also for some unknown reason, the entrance is littered with banana peels!_

_Argh,… why can't those gorilla students of mine behave themselves! This must be the work of those idiotic trios. …Ummm, can I get it later, Anna-chan?_

_Sorry Sakata-sensei, as I have told you, I'm holding these reward donuts for Nobume-Sensei. You can't steal a little bit of it just because you haven't had your sugar dose!_

_Awwww man… I was so close! …Jimmy-kun!_

_Yes, Ginpachi-sensei!_

_Write me a 3000 words essay on Hideaki Nobunaga Sorachi by tomorrow!_

_EHHH!? Why, Sensei?_

_Just because. …Now, time to deal with those idio-_

…

…

…

_WHY IS HALF THE CLASS NAKED!? …GORILLA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING THROWING YOUR PANTS DOWN!? Sadist! Tell me what happened here!_

_We're just playing a game Sensei. It's called the 'Who-can-get-the-rubbish-into-the-building's-entrance-bin' game. Do you want to join in, Sensei?_

_Hell no. Who would play such a stupid game!? I understand if it's the Gorilla, the Sadist …and Juubei-kun too, I suppose… I know they would play that kind of game but the others wouldn't have... …Wait, that still doesn't tell me why half of the class is naked._

_Sensei, Sensei!_

_Yes, Gorilla?_

_It's all because Sougo is running out of rubbish to chuck and he didn't want to strip._

_HE STRIPPED OTHERS TO CHUCK THEIR UNIFORMS OUT OF THE WINDOWWW!? You're all 18! Behave more maturely! Everyone owes me a 3000 words essay on 'The Use of Kamehameha For Our Daily Lives' due tomorrow! …Now, who created this game? You'll have a rubbish duty to clean up the entrance and the courtyard today after school. Souichirou-kun?_

_It wasn't me, Sensei. It was-…_

_Sorry I'm late Sensei. …Eh? Why are you guys naked?_

_-It was Hijikata-san, Sensei._

_What? Ehhhhhh? WHAT DID I DOOOOO!?_

* * *

**A/N: Uh-oh, Hijikata's in trouble… Yay!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Note:** 3Z is an ALL BOYS' SCHOOL like SANADA NORTH HIGH SCHOOL.

**Disclaimer: **Gigolo, gigolo… gigolo, gigolo… gorilla, gorilla… Hmm, Sugita should've sung gorilla instead of gigolo in Arakawa Under the Bridge.

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 5**

* * *

_What? Ehhhhhh? WHAT DID I DOOOOO!?_

* * *

_Right, everyone, pass on the history quiz to the person in front of you and I'll collect the pile at the front. Now, we'll continue the lesson on how Hideaki Nobunaga first created strawberry milk through the purification of mould. Yes, Shinpachi-kun._

_Sensei, that's how they first discover penicillin. And it's not the emperor that found it, it's a British scientist called Alexander Flemming._

_Shinpachi-kun, you've been watching too much Gintaman, haven't you? Listen carefully ok, TV shows, especially anime, do not teach you real historical events. They serve as entertainment that will make you even dumber._

_No, what is dumb is your brain, ok… it has nothing to do with Gintaman you know…_

_Sensei!_

_Yes, Oogushi-kun!_

_So does that mean that Japan is the first founder of strawberry milk? (And Who's Oogushi-kun!?)_

_No Oogushi-kun…-(-Who's Oogushi-kun!?) Have you even been paying attention? Alexander Flemming, a British scientist, is the founder of the strawberry milk._

_IN WHICH PART OF THE LESSON DID IT SAY THAT!? YOU'RE MIXING UP FACTS, OI! _

_Sensei!_

_Yes Gorilla._

_The strawberry milk conversation is turning me on…__ *blush*_

_THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUESTION! AND STOP BEING CREEPY, GORILLA!_

_Sensei._

_Yes Sadist._

_You like strawberry milk, don't you? I've just poured it all over the floor… How about you lick it? *snickers*_

_HE'S A SADIST THROUGH AND THROUGH!_

_*smirks* __Heh, …I wouldn't grovel in front of my students over a spilled strawberry milk. …It'll be a different story with a strawberry parfait though._

_HIS DIGNITY IS SO CHEAP! AND WHAT IS THAT! IS THAT TEARS!? HE'S CRYING OVER THE SPILLED MILK!_

_*sigh* It's hopeless… this teacher is an idiot. …Wait, there's something strange about all this. …Since when did I become the straight-man? I thought this fanfic was for the Shinsengumi trio? Wasn't Hijikata-san supposed to be the straight-man? _

_Oi Glasses, don't break the fourth wall._

_This voice in my head… Hijikata-san? Eh. Why are you glaring at me?_

_Listen. As we are the only straight-men in this show, it is our responsibility to share our work in pointing out jokes. I've been the straight-man for the last four chapters so it is only right that you do your part too. You should be thankful; I'm giving you the chance to shine in this chapter._

_Ehhh, but Hijikata-san, it'll be hard if you're not playing the straight-man too. _

_It's alright glasses. As Ginpachi-sensei taught us about Hideaki Nobunaga's battle cry, JUST DO IT!_

_Uh, no Hijikata-san, that's what Gintaman said in the Host arc. It has nothing to do with Hideaki Nobunaga, ok? Who the hell is Hideaki Nobunaga anyway?_

_Ahahahahaha… Shinpachi-kun, my little brother, I think you need to brush up on your history study. How about I come to your house and tutor you in Hideaki Nobunaga? _

_Kondo-san? Why would you go that far for glasses-kun?_

_Shhh Tosshi. This way I can have an excuse to stal- I mean, visit Shinpachi's sister, Otae-san._

_I heard that Gorilla. You're about to say "stalk", right? The hell is with "visiting". Your dirty intention is leaking into my mind, you gorilla. Wait, …WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST IMAGINE ON DOING TO MY SISTER!?_

_Ah, sorry Shinpachi-kun, this conversation is turning me on…_

_WHAT PART OF IT IS!?_

_Kondo-san, stop with the vulgar imagination. I think I'll be sick… _

_*blergh* _

_Oogushi-kun,… You shouldn't have eaten so many bananas and littered the peels by the entrance. See what happened? Now go to the infirmary and send Sakamoto the janitor to clean up the vomit._

_I wasn't the one who ate the bana-… *blergh*_

_Ok, ok, don't mention the name of the food. Just get out of here. You're stinking my new shoes with the smell of vomit. Pattsuan, escort him out of here!_

_Yes Sensei! …Come on Hijikata-san._

* * *

The two boys left; the sound of chirping of birds, heavy splash of waterfall and tinkle of sunrays were soon heard in the classroom they left behind.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long haha…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Note:** 3Z is an ALL BOYS' SCHOOL like SANADA NORTH HIGH SCHOOL.

**Disclaimer: **I only own my brain. That's it. Gorillas don't have brains. They have bananas.

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 6**

* * *

The two boys left; the sound of chirping of birds, heavy splash of waterfall and tinkle of sunrays were soon heard in the classroom they left behind.

* * *

_Here Hijikata-san, have a little bit of water and lie down._

_Ah. Thanks Glasses._

_Glasses?! Who's Glasses!? You're not very grateful to the person who's helping you, are you?_

_Where's Ketsuno-Sensei anyway? (-Eh? I'm ignored?-) Isn't she supposed to attend the infirmary in case sick students like me arrives, injured and bleeding to death at the door?_

_Uh… that will never happen. You're just exaggerating Hijikata-san. Anyway, it could be that she went to the washroom and hasn't returned. It's not that strange that she wouldn't always be here._

_Oh… so you think she's doing number two in the toilet?_

_WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT, HIJIKATA-SAN!? Women don't do such vulgar things. Like Otsuu-chan, rainbows and unicorns come out instead-…_

_-Hey, Shhh… *telepathy* Did you hear that?_

_Eh? What?_

_There's a rustle from the sick bed next to mine. I thought we're the only one here?_

_I didn't hear anything._

_You go peek. I don't want to open the curtain divider and watch someone doing __it__._

_What do you mean by that, Hijikata-san! Why are you spouting such crude things again?! This fic is only rated K+ you know!? What you're going to say will shoot the rating through the roof!_

_But if you think about it properly, we're in a high school setting. On top of that, it's all full of teenage boys. And so far, it's been boys doing silly things that boys do. Wouldn't sexual tension usually be high in this kind of environment?_

_You're right, Hijikata-san. Even __Tadakuni, Hidenori and Yoshitake had their own encounter with the female species._

_Exactly. Now be a man and peek between the curtains._

_I can't do that! I don't have any voyeuristic tendency!_

_Come on, you're glasses. It's what glasses do. Don't you always use it to watch people?_

_I don't know what you're implying with that but it's not used for that purpose, ok!? Me having glasses doesn't have anything to do with peeping, ok?!_

_Tch, fine. You're such a coward glasses._

_Oi! Don't blame my glasses for that!_

_-Shhh! …Eh? No one is there Glasses-kun._

_You know Hijikata-san, adding '-kun' to Glasses still doesn't make it respectful. It's still not my name! And what do you mean 'no one is there'? So you've just imagined the noise after all?_

_Hmmm, maybe. _

_But wait Hijikata-san, is that a red high heel? Where is the other pair?_

_G-g-glasses-kun, w-was it a ghost? Don't touch that! It might be a cursed red high heel._

_Geez Hijikata-san, what kind of nonsense are you spouting in bright daylight? But it is a curious thing. Who left this heel here?_

_L-lets get out of here Glasses-kun. The infirmary is h-haunted like they said after all._

_That can't be. Where did you hear that kind of nonsense from anyway?_

_Have you not heard of "The 7 Mystery of Kabuki North High School"?_

_What is that? A compilation of ghost stories? You don't believe in that kind of lies, do you Hijikata-san?_

_O-…Of course not! But you know, apparently there was a school doctor who fell in love with her student and because their relationship was forbidden, everyone was against them. They could not stand the judging eyes of society, so they promised to elope together the next time that they meet in this infirmary. But then, she discovered that he was unfaithful and hanged herself from this very be-…_

_**CLATTER**_

_...-d. GAHHHHHHHH-…! It appeeeeeeeared! …I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You're welcome to eat the glasses first!_

_GAHHHHHHHH-… OI! What do you mean by 'eat the glasses first'!? You have something against my glasses, don't you? Since earlier you've been having something against it, don't you!?... …But wait, Hijikata-san. That's the other pair of high heels. I think it fell from the furthest infirmary bed._

_*slowly peeking in through the curtain divider...*_

…

…

…

_Let's go, Glasses. It's 18+ after all._

_Yes, Hijikata-san. At least the ghost doctor is happy…_

* * *

**A/N: Haha… no comment. (Don't flame me for this. I mean, gorilla did the same thing even though Gintama is a shounen anime XD)… (I know that's probably not acceptable for me doing the same thing but well,… it's a Gintama fic, is it not? ;))**


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Note:** 3Z is an ALL BOYS' SCHOOL like SANADA NORTH HIGH SCHOOL.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sorachi or his brain.

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 7**

* * *

_Yes, Hijikata-san. At least the ghost doctor is happy…_

* * *

_Ah, thank goodness it's lunch break now. We've been having quite the busy morning haven't we, Hijikata-san?_

_Yeah. I'm already worn out and today's not even over …_

_You do look a bit pale Hijikata-san. Are you not feeling well again?_

…

…_Hi-Hijikata-san? What's wrong? Your expression is really dark. Did something happen?_

_...Damn…_

_W-What is it? Did someone tell you telepathically that the ghost chased after us from the infirmary? Or that Ginpachi-sensei chased after us for an after-school detention? ...What is it?_

_It's something worse than that._

_Like what…?_

_Sougo telepathically said…_

…_Yeah?_

…_the Yakisoba bread in the cafeteria have already run out…_

_OI! So it's food that you were worried about?! Don't lead me on like that, Hijikata-san!_

_But what's even worse than that,… is the fact that they're having a class party with lots of food._

_Eh? Isn't that a good thing-…_

…_-in the infirmary._

_WHY in the infirmary!? It's a place for sick people and not for a class party! Why is Ginpachi-sensei not telling them off!?_

_Isn't that because it gives him an excuse to flirt with Ketsuno-sensei whilst snacking on junk sweets?_

…_Ah, you're right._

_Damn, what should I do? I only have enough money to buy Yakisoba bread but it already ran out. The only free food is back in the infirmary but I have to sacrifice my life for it… uh… yeah, no._

_It's ok, Hijikata-san, I can share my lunch with you._

_No, Glasses. Your lunch is much more fearsome than the infirmary ghost. Your sister's dark matter is too fearsome indeed. You can commit suicide on your own because I still want to live._

_You're honest Hijikata-san. ...too honest. Even though I understand your reasoning, somehow it's still hurting my feelings… and hey! You're going to let me die on my own!? ...Anyway, so what are you going to do then, Hijikata-san?_

_Well, I have another option. Go out of the school premise and buy lunch from the convenience store 10 minutes from here._

_If they catch you, you'll be in big trouble though…_

_But I have a gym class next. If I go empty-stomach for the rest of the day, I won't be able to function. _

_That's fair enough. I'll keep quiet about it for you this time then, Hijikata-san._

_Yeah, you better be. Now go._

… _Eh? …Di-… Did you just tell me to go?... _

…

… _I- I'm hearing it wrong, right? … You mean, 'I'm going now', right?_

…

… _YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO GO OUT AND BUY YOUR LUNCH!?_

… _yeah. _

_Why should I?_

…_because you're glasses._

_Isn't this just a form of bullying!? And what kind of reasoning is that!? If you want to make excuses, at least say that 'it's because you're a good friend.'!_

_Ah, I see. Then, 'it's because you're a good friend-'!_

…_no, that's not right. Why do you have a deadpan expression like Okita-san? Anyway! That's beside the point. I'm not going for you, Hijikata-san._

_Oh, I see. Okay then._

_Yes, yes. It's good that we can now reach to an understandi-… ouch. Why are you pulling me?_

_Well, you want me to go with you instead, right?_

_OI! NO! that's not right at all, is it!? I don't want to get in trouble too! Go by yourself Hijikata-san! _

…

_Hijikata-san? What's wrong? Why are you staring at your shoe locker?_

…_There's an envelope._

…_Oh wow, did you get a love lette-…_

_-It's a challenge for a duel!_

_That can't be! Can it?! It's in a pink, girly envelope. It's a love letter for goodness sake!_

"…_Toushirou-kun, I'll be waiting for you at the back of the school gym. Sincerely, your admirer." …There's no mistake. He's challenging me for a duel to the death!_

_How can you reach that conclusion after reading the letter!?_

_Lets go, glasses. I really need my lunch for this afternoon's fight now._

_As I said, it's a love letter! It's going to be an afternoon confession and not an afternoon fight! Hijikata-san, listen to me for goodness sake! …sigh. He's hopeless._

…

…

…

… _W…wait,… t-this is a boy's only school right… it… it can't be right… the admirer is probably a girl from another school. …right?..._

* * *

**A/N: Uh-oh, I'm losing my sense of humour… this chapter is not especially funny. Sorry for that.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Note:** 3Z is an ALL BOYS' SCHOOL like SANADA NORTH HIGH SCHOOL.

**Disclaimer: **Gorilla! Give us Gintama Anime! Gorilla!

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 8**

* * *

… _W…wait,… t-this is a boy's only school right… it… it can't be right… the admirer is probably a girl from another school. …right?..._

* * *

After School

_Alright Glasses, hide over there._

_Hijikata-san… why am I hiding in the bushes behind the gym, watching you being confessed at by your admirer?_

_Because you will witness the greatest duel-to-the-death of the century! Someone must live to tell the tale!_

_I've already told you, it's a confession! Forget all this 'duel' stuff! You'll break your admirer's heart!_

_Yeah! You're catching up pretty quickly, Glasses. I will break the contender in half!_

_You're just not listening to me at all, are you?_

_Shhh… here he comes._

_*telepathy* Hijikata-san… isn't that…?_

_I knew it! I knew it has to be you!... Sougo!_

_EHHH!? Okita-san has that kind of feeling towards Hijikata-san!? Wait a second, this is not right!? Every Okita x Kagura fans on this site will go berserk if this is true!_

_I'm ready, Sougo. Go for it whenever you are!_

_OIIII! Why is Hijikata-san still treating this like a duel!?... Oh? Okita-san is looking at the ground while shuffling his feet. Is he embarrassed?... Maybe he does like Hijikata-san after all…_

_Hijikata-san… I… I lo-…_

_Is this it!? Is he going to say 'love'!?_

…_-I… lo-… I locked a girl in the gym storage because she was snooping around. She said 'Hijikata, Hijikata' though. Is she someone you know, Hijikata-san?_

_OIIIII! Why are you locking random girls in the storage room!? Don't show your Sadistic side to random people, Okita-san!_

_So you're saying that the one who sent me the letter of challenge is locked in the storage room? Alright. Bring him here, Sougo._

_Hijikata-san! How long are you going to treat this as a duel!? And Okita-san! How is it you're back so quickly!? And did you just chained her with a dog leash!?_

_This is her, Hijikata-san. Do you know her?_

_The challenger is… a glasses girl? I don't know her. Why would she challenge me to a duel?_

_She's been saying 'Hijikata, Hijikata' for a while. Are you sure you don't know her, Hijikata-san? _

_No. Who are you?_

_I'm a masochistic character. I'm only a masochistic character. So don't worry about me, a masochistic character._

_OIIII! She didn't say 'Hijikata'! She said 'masochistic character'! How bad is your hearing, Okita-san! Anyway, why the hell is there a masochistic character!?_

_*telepathy* So who sent the challenge letter? It's not Sougo and it's not the masochistic character. So who did?_

_...T-That! What is Ane-ue doing here, behind the gym?_

_Your sister, Glasses!? I heard your family teach in the dojo. She must be a formidable opponent. Perhaps your sister was the one who sent it?_

_That's impossible Hijikata-san. How would she knows you?_

_Well, there IS a couple of instances where Kondo-san and I came across her path…_

_Hijikata-san! You just admitted you helped the gorilla stalked my sister, didn't you!?_

_I was just trying to help to create a situation where 'gorilla meet gorilla', you know._

_Don't try to copy the situation 'boy meet girl'! And whose sister are you shamelessly calling a gorilla!? Anyway, it's not possible that Ane-ue was the one who sent you the love letter._

_Ah, Hijikata-kun! There you are! I've been looking for you!_

_Otae-san…_

_Ane-ue! Don't tell me…!_

_You know, Hijikata-kun… all this time, I have-…_

_NOOOOO! Don't say it, Ane-ue! Don't say that you've been in love with him!_

…_-I have been waiting for you… to pick up the rubbish on the school building's entrance!_

_EHHHH!? _

_Why are you the one who's going to supervise my rubbish duty, Otae-san?_

_Well, Ginpachi-Sensei told me he has a faculty meeting, you see. So the other teachers can't supervise you either. That's why he asked me for a favour and a big favour he owes me now. Mwahahahhaah…_

_A-Ane-ue,… your true self is coming out…_

_Anyway, let's go clean the entrance Hijikata-kun._

_Alright… the challenger didn't ended up coming anyway so I won by default._

_Uh… I don't think the duel of love works that way Hijikata-san… but oh well. The letter was a prank after all… I'm slightly disappointed._

…

…

…

_I-I'm stuck in this bushes. Don't leave me here, Hijikata-san! A-A-And.. i-is that… the infirmary ghost!? GYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_

* * *

**A/N: **Ane-ue: formal way of calling 'Sister'. Shinpachi is a polite boy towards Otae :)

**Yay, an update after a long time^^ **

**Btw, I've found it hard trying to make this funny (I'm just not a humorous person by nature and nothing slightly funny is happening) so I might stretch this out til chp 10 (if we're lucky) :P**


	9. Chapter 9

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Note:** 3Z is an ALL BOYS' SCHOOL like SANADA NORTH HIGH SCHOOL.

**Disclaimer: **Gorilla! Don't put the Shogun Arc in the anime! Gorilla!

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 9**

* * *

_I-I'm stuck in this bushes. Don't leave me here, Hijikata-san! A-A-And.. i-is that… the infirmary ghost!? GYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_

* * *

-At the School Entrance-

_Kondo-san, are you on rubbish duty too?_

_Oh, Tosshi. Yeah, I've decided that it'll be faster if we do it together. _

_Where is that damn Sougo? He's responsible for this mess as well, so why isn't he here picking up banana peels with us?_

_He forgot to set up the TV to record 'Ladies Four' this morning apparently. So he went home first._

_That damn b*stard…_

_It's alright Tosshi. At least we still have Shinpachi to help us-… eh, where is he?_

_What are you talking about, Kondo-san? He's right here behind m-… eh…?_

…

…_I… might've… forgotten him,… behind the bushes…_

'_Behind the bushes'? What were you doing there?_

…_It was a long story…_

_You two! Keep moving, less chatting. The sooner you guys get it done, the sooner I can go home._

_Um,… Otae-san? Don't you think that we're missing someone?_

_Huh? Who?_

_You know,… like, your little brother?_

_What are you talking about? Shin-chan is here._

_Huh!? Where?_

_I've picked him up earlier. Here. _

_Otae-san! That's only his glasses! You forgot the person who wears that glasses! Don't you remember your own little brother!?_

_Oh no! Shin-chan!_

_You've just realized it NOW!?_

_Shin-chan is injured! Look! There's a crack in his bone!_

_That's just the glasses frame! How long are you going to make glasses joke instead of looking for your little brother!?_

_Oh no! Shin-chan!_

_Yes, Otae-san! Shinpachi is missing! It's good of you to realize that at last!_

_Shin-chan said he wants Katsudon for dinner but I've already bought the ingredients for curry!_

_The glasses can't ask for Katsudon, Otae-san! The real person is behind you, being chased by the infirmary ghost!_

_Gyaaaa! Hijikata-san! Help me!_

_Don't come near me, you zombie! The Shinpachi we know is no more! He is now infected and there's no saving him. So everyone, don't worry about him and RUN!_

_Hijikata-san! I'm being chased by the ghost! Not a zombie! Kondo-san, Ane-ue, please help me!_

_Here, Shinpachi! I've made a banana rosary to drive away the ghost! All we need now is holy water and a steak!_

_That's to drive away a vampire! And what do you mean by 'banana rosary' and 'steak', you gorilla!? You mean 'stake', right!? Seriously, you guys are useless. Ane-ue, you're my last hope!_

_*talking on the phone* Yes? Is this the There's-No-Tomorrow Life Insurance company? Yes. Yes. I can confirm that my little brother, Shimura Shinpachi, have just safely passed away. Yes. Please send me the money to my account…_

_ANE-UE! WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY 'SAFELY PASSED AWAY'!? DID YOU PLAN THIS!? DID YOU ONLY WANT MY LIFE INSURANCE MONEY!?_

_Shush Shin-chan! We need it to rebuild our leaky house! * talking on the phone* Yes? Oh, no. That was just the noise of a buzzing fly._

_HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL, ANE-UE! …Hijikata-san, Kondo-san, help!_

_My condolences, Otae-san…_

_My condolences…_

_WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING, PUTTING UP A TOMBSTONE WITH MY NAME IN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL ENTRANCE!? AND DON'T PUT THE BANANA ROSARY THERE AS AN OFFERING, GORILLA!- huff puff puff, yelling straight-man joke while being chased by a ghost is tiring-… *GASP*_

_Shinpachi is possessed by the infirmary ghost!_

_Be careful Kondo-san! Don't let Shinpachi eat your brain!_

_Nooo! Shin-chan! I can't get the insurance money if you're not as still as a corpse!_

_Otae-san! it seems that the ghost is trying to say something through Shinpachi!_

…

…

…

…_P- p-… please make today's dinner Katsudon…_

* * *

**A/N: **Ane-ue: what Shinpachi calls Otae. Polite form of calling one's older sister.

Katsudon: rice with battered fried chicken. Yum XD


	10. Chapter 10

**Warning: **Some funny events may be based on real life experience/ AU/ Parody of Daily Lives of High School Boys on Class 3Z

**Note:** 3Z is an ALL BOYS' SCHOOL like SANADA NORTH HIGH SCHOOL.

**Disclaimer: **pay me for all these fics I've made, Gorilla!

* * *

**The Daily Lives of Thorny Boys**

**Chapter 10**

* * *

…_P- p-… please make today's dinner Katsudon…_

* * *

-At Hijikata's House-

_I'm back, Nii-san…_

_Oh! Welcome home, Tosshi._

_How was work?_

_Yeah, it was boring as per usual. How was school?_

_Yeah, it was hectic as per usual. Do we have any food?_

_I've made dinner. Just warm it up in the microwave._

_Right, thanks. …Well then, thanks for the food. Ugh, it's katsudon…_

_I thought you liked it?_

_Well, a lot of things have happened… but it's alright. *Nom nom nom*_

_By the way, Tosshi._

_Hm?_

_I had a call from your teacher. …Tosshi, …I'm not judging your hobby or anything but,…_

_*Nom nom nom* What is it?_

_Your teacher said you stripped in class…?_

_*Pfft, cough cough* Sakata-sensei simplified the story too much!_

_Eh? It wasn't true? He was telling me that you were stripping people and was playing with their banana in class…_

_What's with that misleading sentence! There's a lot of innuendos in there that'll dirty someone's mind for the whole year round!_

_I know it's an all-boy's school and you boys have your own version of fun, but… please limit it to the banana bombs only. Stripping in front of others is a big "no"… in public._

_How come the banana bombs are ok!? That's not right! And why did you need to add "in public"! Are you implying I'm an exhibitionist!? Are you implying I'll do it in my private spare time!? _

…_It's ok Tosshi. I have adapted the way of thinking of a modern man._

_No, no. That's just a pervert way of thinking. Nii-san, you've spent too much time in Kondo-san's place._

_I am nothing like that gorilla! I don't look like a gorilla to start with, how rude…_

_Your way of thinking is getting to be like a gorilla's though…_

_Anyway, your teacher said to not bring bananas again, and to always keep your clothes on at all times or he'll have you on detention. I think he murmured something about, he'll send you to hell if he has to waste his spare time on you and not for seducing Ketsuno-sensei…_

_Ginpachi-sensei! That was too honest! And his murderous intent must've been so great that it leaked over the telephone receiver!_

_You better behave yourself tomorrow, Tosshi. Don't get into trouble again. And if you really have to, go to the infirmary and strip in front of the ghost-doctor then. Just don't get caught, ok?_

_Don't give me a wink and a thumbs up! I told you I don't have that kind of weird hobby! And how'd you know about the ghost-doctor!?_

_Haven't I told you? The ghost-doctor has always been around since my high-school days. Sometimes we would visit her during lunch time and watch her does her routine._

_What kind of "routine"? _

_You know, the moment she realized she was betrayed by her lover,… the look on her face… She then opened the last drawer for a coil of rope and climbed the chair next to the last bed… She then tied the rope on the ceiling frame and with determination-,..._

_STOP, STOP, STOP!... don't say anym-_

…_-"crack", the ceiling frame broke and her suicide attempt failed… _

_Oh, *phew*… I thought that's how she di-_

…_-until she fell from the chair because of the unstable red heels she wore and hit her head on the edge of the bed frame-_

_GYAAAAAH! It IS the story of how she died!... No more! No more! I'll have a nightmare tonight and it'll be bad if I can't sleep. Thank you for the food, I'll be in my room._

_You sure you don't want to hear the rest of the "7 Mystery of Kabuki North"?_

_No, no. Thanks for the offer. Good night._

_Good night._

* * *

-2 AM in Hijikata's Room-

…

…_I can't sleep… _

…

* * *

And that, folks, is how Hijikata is late for the History Quiz (Chapter 1).

**-The End-**

* * *

**A/N: **Nii-san: Hijikata addresses his brother with this title in this fic.


End file.
